Resumes and CVs - Joke Resume
Qualifications
Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions
I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse
I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my résumé on my office voice mail
Experience
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job
Education
Failed recent exam with relatively high grades
Finished eighth in my class of ten
Special Skills
I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms
Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details
Reasons For Leaving The Last Job
Responsibility makes me nervous
They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. I couldn't work under those demanding conditions
I was working for my mom until she decided to move
I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing
Job Responsibilities
While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am disposed that it be so oriented as to partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured to lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility
I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award
Special Requests & Job Objectives
Please call me after 5:30. I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job
I put off work, especially when the task is unpleasant
It's best for employers that I not work with people
Physical Disabilities
Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep
Personal Interests
Donating blood. 14 gallons so far
Marital status: often. Children: various
References
References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me
Small Typos That Can Change The Meaning
Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year
Education: College, August 1880-May 1984
Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse
Instrumental in ruining an entire Midwest chain operation
